Self Care: Beat the Winter Blues

I've been having a rough couple of months lately, so I've been investing in a little more self care than usual (let it be noted that part of this self care is learning what my limits are and when/how to say no. This is an important lesson.) I've compiled a list of things that help me when I feel burnout:

Run a bath/spa day
How you feel physically can and will effect how you feel mentally. Personally, I find baths relaxing, especially if you make a little cocktail of bubbles and salts and bath bombs. Put your laptop in a safe spot and turn on some Netflix, or use your phone to play music. Lights some candles. Create a nice cozy space. If I don't have time for a full out bath then usually I'll just pull a face mask from my stash and use that. Or, if you want a double whammy of relaxation, use both together ;)

take a cozy day
This is along the same lines of the bath--surround yourself with your favorite things. Read a book, scroll through Pintrest for inspiration, make a cozy drink or snack. Wear some comfy clothes and take some time to really reconnect with yourself.

pray/meditate
Praying is honestly a no-fail way for me to feel relaxed. Just the feeling of pouring out my worries to the Lord is so therapeutic. Sometimes I feel so worried or overwhelmed that it's hard to explain how I feel. In that case, I find it helpful to utilize repetitious prayer, like the rosary, a chaplet, or a litany. Another way you can pray is to read the Bible or journal. All in all, getting in touch with your spirituality will do wonders at reducing stress.

exercise/yoga
Like I said, our physical health is directly connected to our mental health. Breaking a sweat can be great if you feel frustrated or just need a boost of motivation. Not everyone finds slowing down to be relaxing, and I totally get that! Another point about yoga: a lot of stretching involves proper breathing techniques, which can help calm you down as well.

look after yourself -- make sure you're drinking enough water and eating good meals often. Honestly, enough said. This is a great day to day tip, or a good start if you feel some negativity coming on but don't have time to full on stop what you're doing for an extended period of time.

Meet up with a friend
Human beings truly are made for community. Sometimes it's good to get out of the house, but other times you need the friend to come to you--both options are equally good. Similar to prayer, being able to have someone that will listen to your concerns and help you find a solution is super helpful for stress. If face to face doesn't work, a call or some facetime do the trick as well.

start a new hobby/book/tv show
When I started the show New Girl, it was honestly for stress relief reasons--and guess what? It worked. Finding a light hearted outlet is probably one of my most used self care tactics. I love watching Zoella vlogs on youtube; Zoe and I are very similar, so I really relate to her, and i feel like I get even amounts of catharsis and hilarity. I also started working on calligraphy/hand lettering as a way to relieve stress, and that's been amazing. It boosts my confidence which makes me feel better!

plan something to look forward to
I love this one because it can be done at any level. It could be a trip to Target or a tropical vacation-- just plan something to look forward to. Sometimes I tell myself if I get through a stressful day, I can go home and make cookies and watch a movie in bed. Even that small goal is helpful when pushing through a tiring situation. Just recently I grabbed tickets for an Ed Sheeran's show in September and that's one of the long term things that keeps me going, haha!

journal
I mentioned this in the tip about prayer, but you can journal even if it's not of a spiritual nature. Getting your thoughts out on paper can help you identify and understand them, making it easier to change whatever is needed. Doodles are useful too!

get a plant
There's something bout life, y'all. Having plants in my room makes me so happy, especially in the dead of winter when literally everything is cold and grey.

treat yo self 
Give yourself little (or big, I'm not judging) rewards. Buy that sweater you saw in the store the other day. Get yourself a large coffee instead of a medium. There's a reason why you get stickers and candy for doing a good job in preschool. That stuff works on adults too!

take a dance break
This one can be tough if you're not in the right frame of mind. But if you have a pet, or a sister down the hall, or even if it's just yourself, have a dance party. Blast a, upbeat song that you LOVE and forget everything just for those few minutes. Clear your mind and then get back to work.

I hope this was helpful for some of you! I know how difficult things can be sometimes, but YOU CAN DO THIS. Let's keep adding to the list--if you have any self care ideas/rituals, share em below! I'm always looking for new ideas.

Once I Was 20 Years Old

Fun fact: I actually can't stand that song. But unfortunately, there aren't many songs about being twenty. So here we are.

Yesterday I leveled up! Who has two thumbs and is no longer a teenager? This gal. Funny cause I still listen to the Jonas Brothers. Some things never change.

I had a great day...it started with Jesus at mass. Walking out of the church, Michael was standing in line to greet the priest and i tugged his arm saying "Let's get out of the way for these people" when he goes "Nuh uh, you gettin' a birthday blessing!" WOW. lots of heart eyes commenced, then I realized that meant getting special attention and i pulled his arm away even harder. LOL. Thank God he's much stronger than me, cause I got that birthday blessing and Jesus knows I need every blessing I can get, amirite?

(am I turning twenty or two? and is there a difference?)

Then Michael and I went to Taco Bell because when you're addicted, you're addicted. He proceeded to tell the guy at the drive through window that he's having a great day "Because it's my girlfriend's birthday." He's funny like that. I wanted to pop into Target to get some fun decor for later that night.

I also had my sister do a little birthday photo shoot with me (is that not the most Kate thing ever?!) I got an adorable Kingdom and State dress and some GIANT rose gold number balloons that were screeeaming to be instagrammed. The good people of Howell had a great time watching and laughing as I posed with forty inches of shiny helium. Cheap entertainment? Haha.

I also got a little confetti popper thing off Etsy that I thought would be adorable, but ended up low key failing. I think I was a bit too enthusiastic.

We had to stop at the store to get something for my cake (JUST WAIT till you see that one, guys) and that's when I experienced a birthday miracle:

On our way back from the store, I saw a couple walking their adorable and incredibly fluffy dog. I said, out loud, "Aww what a cute dog, wouldn't it be hilarious if-" when both my sister and I realized at the same time that THE DOG WAS A CORGI. So naturally we screamed, and Michael told me to turn the darn car around now so I could get out and pet that dog. I turned around (very very nervous mind you) but like what was I gonna do? pull up in my car and say "Hey can I pet your dog?"

That's exactly what we did.

After, a couple minutes of searching around in the car (by now I felt EXTREMELY creepy) we saw them in a subdivision. I pulled up, Elsa rolled her window down and said "Excuse me, this is going to sound really weird. But my sister and I love corgis--do you mind if we pet your dog?"

They were very very nice, so we hopped out of the car and I got to pet a corgi. ON MY BIRTHDAY.

His name was Benny, and he was the most perfect corgi I've ever seen.

Then we went home and had tacos with all the fixings and the tallest cake I've ever seen. Then I did a face mask, we watched She's The Man, and I got a Facetime call from my friends in Florida. I spent the whole time telling them about Benny. They lovingly listened.

(Me when I saw Benny.)

As I reflected on my day, I realized something really amazing and important: I am so blessed to have people in my life who constantly push me to be my best. Michael asked for a blessing for me, because he knew how special and beautiful it would be, and even more, he knew I'm to shy to ask for something like that for myself. He also knew it would absolutely make my day to pet that dog-- and Elsa, my little sister who is just as much (if not more) of an anxious introvert offered to ask complete strangers for permission because she wanted it THAT badly to see me happy. Even though it was my birthday, and everyone is automatically nicer to you, these people in my life are still like this on an average day--I just happened to catch it on my birthday.

(Funfetti cause who ever really grows up?)

I'm so excited to see what this year brings, to officially be in my twenties (which is crazy cause old people are the ones who use the words "In my twenties") and to hopefully keep growing and going, so to speak. There is so much to learn. I'm just gonna take in as much as I can. Thank you Jesus for my life. For loving me, over and over, even when I fail. Please take this next year of my life, use me as a source of Your grace and love, and let me bring Your light to others. Amen.

Little Sacrifices For Lent

1. Put a tiny rock or lego piece in one of your shoes
2. Give up makeup, your flat iron, or another beauty item you frequently use
3. Refrain from checking your phone during down time. Instead, pray a rosary while you wait
4. Don't eat the last bite of your food
5. If you don't already, get to mass 15 minutes early to pray--and stay 15 minutes after as well
6. Sleep on the floor
7. Give up secular music; Instead, listen to worship music or christian podcasts
8. If you don't already, veil during mass
9. Make daily prayer and/or scripture reading a priority. Get up early if need be.
10. If you live somewhere where this is possible, give up your car and walk everywhere
11. Give up a food that is a luxury, but not seen as one in the modern world (meat, dairy, etc)
12. Let others ahead of you in line
13. Refrain from fun spending (that cute new shirt, going out to eat, etc.)
14. Fasting is required on Fridays, but try fasting throughout the week as well (if your health permits of course)
15. Put away any extra or fancy clothes--only keep the absolute minimum you need in your closet. 
16. Take up an adoration hour
17. Make at least one small daily sacrifice (do your sibling's chores for them, pay for the person behind you, etc)
18.  Only take cold showers -- I know. This is not for the faint of heart. 
19. Give up complaining/gossiping. This is another difficult one, so when it gets hard, call on your Mama for backup ;)
20. Only drink water. No sugary drinks or alcohol
21. If you live or work on a higher floor, give up the elevator
22. Make a conscious effort to love those around you (call your mom, bring someone a meal, etc.)
23. Be the first to volunteer (As a kid, I would always wait to see if someone else would offer help first.)
24. Give to charity. If you already do, then give extra
25. Wash all your dishes by hand, right after you use them. 
26. Park at the very back of the lot

May you have a fruitful and contemplative lent. 

Mix Tape: Favorite Love Songs

Please Keep Loving Me // James TW

I Like You // Ben Rector

Still Fallin // Hunter Hayes

How Would You Feel (Paean)

I Was Made For Loving You // Tori Kelly ft. Ed Sheeran

Dear True Love // Sleeping At Last

I Get To Love You // Ruelle

Perfect // Ed Sheeran

Turning Page // // Sleeping At Last

This Girl // Hunter Hayes

When I'm With You // Ben Rector

Wildfire // Ben Rector

Forever like That // Ben Rector

Loving You Is Easy // Ben Rector

You Make Me Feel So Young // Frank Sinatra

Lights Down Low // MAX

Make You Feel My Love // Bob Dylan

Tenerife Sea // Ed Sheeran

Songbird // Fleetwood Mac

The Girl // City and Colour

I Won't Give Up // Jason Mraz

All You Need Is Love // The Beatles

We Now Return To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming...

Well, it's been a hot minute since I've done anything blog or social media related (with the exception of snapchat because addiction.) I feel the impulse to say sorry, but when you need a break, ya need a break, amirite? Especially when it's a mental health break. The Christmas season/end of the year/beginning of the year proved to be really challenging for me, and I was feeling mucho burnout. I decided to take a breath, let some things pass, and get settled in my new phase of life. But I'm back!

What have I been up to? A lot, and yet it feels like not much. I started school again, this time at Madonna University. It's about an hour commute from my house. Mr. Boyfriend offered to drive me the first day since his campus is only ten minutes down the road or so and now he drives me every day. whoops. It's kinda fun though so I'm definitely not complaining :) I have some really great classes, and so far I'm doing well. For the first time in my life I'm taking an art class! (Well actually I tried taking one back in middle school but I quit two weeks in because the other kids were awful and the teacher wasn't really doin' it for me. Fun fact: boyfriend was in that class way back when. Lolz.) Commuting vs. living on campus is a whole new world...not sure how I feel about it yet. Will report back. I also quit one of my two jobs just before Christmas, in order to make time for class, so I still never have any free time. But such is life. I've also been devoutly watching the best show currently on television, This Is Us. Pray for me.

SooOoo...In the interest of being raw and transparent, and not just showing the accomplished and exciting side of my life, I want to talk about my current, unending ride on the struggle bus. I practically drive the damn thing right now. Lately I've been feeling better, which I think is why I've finally decided to come back online, and why I'm able to talk about it now. That being said, I am still very much a passenger. I've talked in bits and pieces about my anxiety/mental health, and I plan on doing a big post all about that in the near future, because it's a huge part of my life and something I'm extremely passionate about. But in short, here's where I am:

These past few months I've been battling some really intense feelings of loneliness and doubt. I'm such a deep, intense, emotional person, that when I feel something, it's quite literally all or nothing. That makes the awesome times really super ridiculously awesome, but you guessed it...it also makes the awful times Really. Super. Ridiculously. Awful. 

When I made my decision to leave Ave Maria, it was a long and agonizing process. You can ask my boyfriend; I obsessed over this decision for quote literally a year. I've talked about that before on the blog, so it's not a secret I've kept. In the end, I made my decision, and I felt peace. I knew how hard it would be. But yet I was extremely surprised by how painful it's been.  My entire life, I have rarely felt true friendship. I’m an extremely sensitive and private person; I open up for no one. The friendship I experienced during my freshman year of college was unlike any other; it was a beautiful fruit born from all the anxiety, self doubt, and confusion of physically severing myself from my support system and moving halfway across the country. It meant (and still does mean) the world to me. Truly God’s blessing when I needed it most. Then I made the long and agonizing decision to chase the call that Christ has set on my heart for years, which led me back home to Michigan. Except I didn't return home whole; a piece of my heart is left in Florida. 

Part of this is definitely due to seasonal depression; I mean come on, who isn't sad mid-January when the temperature is a pretty consistent cold and the sun has been hidden for months. So you can imagine how difficult it is to watch all your close friends hanging out together (without you) at the beach. It's hard to watch your friends go about their day together, when you're the only one NOT there. It's even harder when you're thrown back into your childhood dynamic as a pseudo-adult. You're trying to stretch out a little at a time but even that little bit seems like an impossible task. So then you kick yourself for "ruining" your chance at independence and happiness, even though it was a conscious choice on your part. It's really tough when you feel starved of personal growth and intentional friendship. Yes, I have my boyfriend, and he has been beyond amazing during my really bad days. He encourages me to get up and try hard every day, and he picks me up and dusts me off when I can't do it myself. But my relationship with him is not a substitute for sisterhood. I look through my photos from last year and remember the good times, totally forgetting how difficult it was for me to be away from Michigan. Rose colored glasses are somethin' Y'all. Now I realize that just because you aren't "geographically desirable" doesn't mean you have to throw away the entire friendship. But long distance anything is hard. After a year of long distance with Michael, I would know. That's when the anxiety kicks in; Do they want to talk to me? Do they have time? Do they even still care? Honestly, one of the things I create best is self doubt. Feeling like you're eternally carrying around a heavy heart is really not a fun place to be. 1/10 would not recommend. 

This is NOT a pity party. This is NOT to make anyone in my life feel guilty. This is me bearing a little bit of my heart, because everybody struggles and my life is far from perfect. I just want this to continue to be a space where I can express myself and help others, and I think talking about my feelings and mental health can achieve those hopes. 

I would usually end this with a happy resolution but let's be real, I'm still very much going through this. So instead I'll wrap it up with this: each morning we are made new in Him, bringing fresh hope and heaps of grace. Say some prayers for me. And maybe send some Taco Bell.