Self Care: Beat the Winter Blues

I've been having a rough couple of months lately, so I've been investing in a little more self care than usual (let it be noted that part of this self care is learning what my limits are and when/how to say no. This is an important lesson.) I've compiled a list of things that help me when I feel burnout:

Run a bath/spa day
How you feel physically can and will effect how you feel mentally. Personally, I find baths relaxing, especially if you make a little cocktail of bubbles and salts and bath bombs. Put your laptop in a safe spot and turn on some Netflix, or use your phone to play music. Lights some candles. Create a nice cozy space. If I don't have time for a full out bath then usually I'll just pull a face mask from my stash and use that. Or, if you want a double whammy of relaxation, use both together ;)

take a cozy day
This is along the same lines of the bath--surround yourself with your favorite things. Read a book, scroll through Pintrest for inspiration, make a cozy drink or snack. Wear some comfy clothes and take some time to really reconnect with yourself.

pray/meditate
Praying is honestly a no-fail way for me to feel relaxed. Just the feeling of pouring out my worries to the Lord is so therapeutic. Sometimes I feel so worried or overwhelmed that it's hard to explain how I feel. In that case, I find it helpful to utilize repetitious prayer, like the rosary, a chaplet, or a litany. Another way you can pray is to read the Bible or journal. All in all, getting in touch with your spirituality will do wonders at reducing stress.

exercise/yoga
Like I said, our physical health is directly connected to our mental health. Breaking a sweat can be great if you feel frustrated or just need a boost of motivation. Not everyone finds slowing down to be relaxing, and I totally get that! Another point about yoga: a lot of stretching involves proper breathing techniques, which can help calm you down as well.

look after yourself -- make sure you're drinking enough water and eating good meals often. Honestly, enough said. This is a great day to day tip, or a good start if you feel some negativity coming on but don't have time to full on stop what you're doing for an extended period of time.

Meet up with a friend
Human beings truly are made for community. Sometimes it's good to get out of the house, but other times you need the friend to come to you--both options are equally good. Similar to prayer, being able to have someone that will listen to your concerns and help you find a solution is super helpful for stress. If face to face doesn't work, a call or some facetime do the trick as well.

start a new hobby/book/tv show
When I started the show New Girl, it was honestly for stress relief reasons--and guess what? It worked. Finding a light hearted outlet is probably one of my most used self care tactics. I love watching Zoella vlogs on youtube; Zoe and I are very similar, so I really relate to her, and i feel like I get even amounts of catharsis and hilarity. I also started working on calligraphy/hand lettering as a way to relieve stress, and that's been amazing. It boosts my confidence which makes me feel better!

plan something to look forward to
I love this one because it can be done at any level. It could be a trip to Target or a tropical vacation-- just plan something to look forward to. Sometimes I tell myself if I get through a stressful day, I can go home and make cookies and watch a movie in bed. Even that small goal is helpful when pushing through a tiring situation. Just recently I grabbed tickets for an Ed Sheeran's show in September and that's one of the long term things that keeps me going, haha!

journal
I mentioned this in the tip about prayer, but you can journal even if it's not of a spiritual nature. Getting your thoughts out on paper can help you identify and understand them, making it easier to change whatever is needed. Doodles are useful too!

get a plant
There's something bout life, y'all. Having plants in my room makes me so happy, especially in the dead of winter when literally everything is cold and grey.

treat yo self 
Give yourself little (or big, I'm not judging) rewards. Buy that sweater you saw in the store the other day. Get yourself a large coffee instead of a medium. There's a reason why you get stickers and candy for doing a good job in preschool. That stuff works on adults too!

take a dance break
This one can be tough if you're not in the right frame of mind. But if you have a pet, or a sister down the hall, or even if it's just yourself, have a dance party. Blast a, upbeat song that you LOVE and forget everything just for those few minutes. Clear your mind and then get back to work.

I hope this was helpful for some of you! I know how difficult things can be sometimes, but YOU CAN DO THIS. Let's keep adding to the list--if you have any self care ideas/rituals, share em below! I'm always looking for new ideas.

Once I Was 20 Years Old

Fun fact: I actually can't stand that song. But unfortunately, there aren't many songs about being twenty. So here we are.

Yesterday I leveled up! Who has two thumbs and is no longer a teenager? This gal. Funny cause I still listen to the Jonas Brothers. Some things never change.

I had a great day...it started with Jesus at mass. Walking out of the church, Michael was standing in line to greet the priest and i tugged his arm saying "Let's get out of the way for these people" when he goes "Nuh uh, you gettin' a birthday blessing!" WOW. lots of heart eyes commenced, then I realized that meant getting special attention and i pulled his arm away even harder. LOL. Thank God he's much stronger than me, cause I got that birthday blessing and Jesus knows I need every blessing I can get, amirite?

(am I turning twenty or two? and is there a difference?)

Then Michael and I went to Taco Bell because when you're addicted, you're addicted. He proceeded to tell the guy at the drive through window that he's having a great day "Because it's my girlfriend's birthday." He's funny like that. I wanted to pop into Target to get some fun decor for later that night.

I also had my sister do a little birthday photo shoot with me (is that not the most Kate thing ever?!) I got an adorable Kingdom and State dress and some GIANT rose gold number balloons that were screeeaming to be instagrammed. The good people of Howell had a great time watching and laughing as I posed with forty inches of shiny helium. Cheap entertainment? Haha.

I also got a little confetti popper thing off Etsy that I thought would be adorable, but ended up low key failing. I think I was a bit too enthusiastic.

We had to stop at the store to get something for my cake (JUST WAIT till you see that one, guys) and that's when I experienced a birthday miracle:

On our way back from the store, I saw a couple walking their adorable and incredibly fluffy dog. I said, out loud, "Aww what a cute dog, wouldn't it be hilarious if-" when both my sister and I realized at the same time that THE DOG WAS A CORGI. So naturally we screamed, and Michael told me to turn the darn car around now so I could get out and pet that dog. I turned around (very very nervous mind you) but like what was I gonna do? pull up in my car and say "Hey can I pet your dog?"

That's exactly what we did.

After, a couple minutes of searching around in the car (by now I felt EXTREMELY creepy) we saw them in a subdivision. I pulled up, Elsa rolled her window down and said "Excuse me, this is going to sound really weird. But my sister and I love corgis--do you mind if we pet your dog?"

They were very very nice, so we hopped out of the car and I got to pet a corgi. ON MY BIRTHDAY.

His name was Benny, and he was the most perfect corgi I've ever seen.

Then we went home and had tacos with all the fixings and the tallest cake I've ever seen. Then I did a face mask, we watched She's The Man, and I got a Facetime call from my friends in Florida. I spent the whole time telling them about Benny. They lovingly listened.

(Me when I saw Benny.)

As I reflected on my day, I realized something really amazing and important: I am so blessed to have people in my life who constantly push me to be my best. Michael asked for a blessing for me, because he knew how special and beautiful it would be, and even more, he knew I'm to shy to ask for something like that for myself. He also knew it would absolutely make my day to pet that dog-- and Elsa, my little sister who is just as much (if not more) of an anxious introvert offered to ask complete strangers for permission because she wanted it THAT badly to see me happy. Even though it was my birthday, and everyone is automatically nicer to you, these people in my life are still like this on an average day--I just happened to catch it on my birthday.

(Funfetti cause who ever really grows up?)

I'm so excited to see what this year brings, to officially be in my twenties (which is crazy cause old people are the ones who use the words "In my twenties") and to hopefully keep growing and going, so to speak. There is so much to learn. I'm just gonna take in as much as I can. Thank you Jesus for my life. For loving me, over and over, even when I fail. Please take this next year of my life, use me as a source of Your grace and love, and let me bring Your light to others. Amen.

We Now Return To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming...

Well, it's been a hot minute since I've done anything blog or social media related (with the exception of snapchat because addiction.) I feel the impulse to say sorry, but when you need a break, ya need a break, amirite? Especially when it's a mental health break. The Christmas season/end of the year/beginning of the year proved to be really challenging for me, and I was feeling mucho burnout. I decided to take a breath, let some things pass, and get settled in my new phase of life. But I'm back!

What have I been up to? A lot, and yet it feels like not much. I started school again, this time at Madonna University. It's about an hour commute from my house. Mr. Boyfriend offered to drive me the first day since his campus is only ten minutes down the road or so and now he drives me every day. whoops. It's kinda fun though so I'm definitely not complaining :) I have some really great classes, and so far I'm doing well. For the first time in my life I'm taking an art class! (Well actually I tried taking one back in middle school but I quit two weeks in because the other kids were awful and the teacher wasn't really doin' it for me. Fun fact: boyfriend was in that class way back when. Lolz.) Commuting vs. living on campus is a whole new world...not sure how I feel about it yet. Will report back. I also quit one of my two jobs just before Christmas, in order to make time for class, so I still never have any free time. But such is life. I've also been devoutly watching the best show currently on television, This Is Us. Pray for me.

SooOoo...In the interest of being raw and transparent, and not just showing the accomplished and exciting side of my life, I want to talk about my current, unending ride on the struggle bus. I practically drive the damn thing right now. Lately I've been feeling better, which I think is why I've finally decided to come back online, and why I'm able to talk about it now. That being said, I am still very much a passenger. I've talked in bits and pieces about my anxiety/mental health, and I plan on doing a big post all about that in the near future, because it's a huge part of my life and something I'm extremely passionate about. But in short, here's where I am:

These past few months I've been battling some really intense feelings of loneliness and doubt. I'm such a deep, intense, emotional person, that when I feel something, it's quite literally all or nothing. That makes the awesome times really super ridiculously awesome, but you guessed it...it also makes the awful times Really. Super. Ridiculously. Awful. 

When I made my decision to leave Ave Maria, it was a long and agonizing process. You can ask my boyfriend; I obsessed over this decision for quote literally a year. I've talked about that before on the blog, so it's not a secret I've kept. In the end, I made my decision, and I felt peace. I knew how hard it would be. But yet I was extremely surprised by how painful it's been.  My entire life, I have rarely felt true friendship. I’m an extremely sensitive and private person; I open up for no one. The friendship I experienced during my freshman year of college was unlike any other; it was a beautiful fruit born from all the anxiety, self doubt, and confusion of physically severing myself from my support system and moving halfway across the country. It meant (and still does mean) the world to me. Truly God’s blessing when I needed it most. Then I made the long and agonizing decision to chase the call that Christ has set on my heart for years, which led me back home to Michigan. Except I didn't return home whole; a piece of my heart is left in Florida. 

Part of this is definitely due to seasonal depression; I mean come on, who isn't sad mid-January when the temperature is a pretty consistent cold and the sun has been hidden for months. So you can imagine how difficult it is to watch all your close friends hanging out together (without you) at the beach. It's hard to watch your friends go about their day together, when you're the only one NOT there. It's even harder when you're thrown back into your childhood dynamic as a pseudo-adult. You're trying to stretch out a little at a time but even that little bit seems like an impossible task. So then you kick yourself for "ruining" your chance at independence and happiness, even though it was a conscious choice on your part. It's really tough when you feel starved of personal growth and intentional friendship. Yes, I have my boyfriend, and he has been beyond amazing during my really bad days. He encourages me to get up and try hard every day, and he picks me up and dusts me off when I can't do it myself. But my relationship with him is not a substitute for sisterhood. I look through my photos from last year and remember the good times, totally forgetting how difficult it was for me to be away from Michigan. Rose colored glasses are somethin' Y'all. Now I realize that just because you aren't "geographically desirable" doesn't mean you have to throw away the entire friendship. But long distance anything is hard. After a year of long distance with Michael, I would know. That's when the anxiety kicks in; Do they want to talk to me? Do they have time? Do they even still care? Honestly, one of the things I create best is self doubt. Feeling like you're eternally carrying around a heavy heart is really not a fun place to be. 1/10 would not recommend. 

This is NOT a pity party. This is NOT to make anyone in my life feel guilty. This is me bearing a little bit of my heart, because everybody struggles and my life is far from perfect. I just want this to continue to be a space where I can express myself and help others, and I think talking about my feelings and mental health can achieve those hopes. 

I would usually end this with a happy resolution but let's be real, I'm still very much going through this. So instead I'll wrap it up with this: each morning we are made new in Him, bringing fresh hope and heaps of grace. Say some prayers for me. And maybe send some Taco Bell. 

2017 reflections

January: Celebrated one year with my handsome boyfriend. Started my second semester of college. Took a day trip to the Florida Keys. Went on the march for life. Pet a corgi and lived my best life.
February: Booked a flight to California on a whim. Celebrated my 19th birthday.
March: Barely survived school. Found a lot of awesome new music. Did a lot of future planning.
April: Spent my first break at school. Missed being with family for Easter. Went swimming in my clothes (at 1am. lol.) Made some really hard decisions about school.
May: Watched my brother graduate college. Enjoyed life without the stress of homework. Got a bunch of jobs and acquired new stress. Flew to California. Went to prom with Michael and wore the most bomb ass dress of my life to date.
June: Failed to clean my room for an entire month. Did a lot of chillin.
July: Went on family vacation up north (and took the boyfriend along.) Worked a lot. Ate a lot of Taco Bell. Went ziplining. Climbed a rock wall (and made it to the top!) Pet another corgi and cried half the time.
August: Work work work. Made some tough life decisions. Finished The Office. Went blonde(er.) Jumped off a bridge, multiple times. Saw Logic in concert.
September: Went apple picking. Made an apple pie with aforementioned apples. Continued to work a lot. Booked a flight to Florida to visit friends.
October: chopped my hair for the first time in over a year. Went brunette. Filmed my first Youtube video. Visited my Florida friends. Went to a park filled with Corgis and died. Saw Jon Bellion in concert. Got accepted to college (again.) Registered for classes.
November: Threw a Friendsgiving party. Celebrated Thanksgiving with both mine and Michael's families. Basically just ate a lot of food with other people.
December: (sorta) learned how to ice skate. Saw the Nutcracker. Celebrated Christmas with my family. Visited grandma in Pennsylvania.

November Favorites

When I planned out my November blog posts, I threw around the idea of doing a favorites post, but passed over the idea. Then all month I kept falling in love with things and thinking "I have to put this in my favorites post!" So here i am, pulling together a November favorites for you all. Here's some things i have genuinely been loving.

Beauty/Fashion
Essie Gel Setter - I love having gorgeous nails, and I don't mind putting in the time, except that I never seem to be happy with the finished product, and my manicures don't last longer than a couple days before they crack and chip. I decided to try out an at home gel manicure set up in the hopes that it would deliver, and to my excitement, it did. I freaking LOVE this stuff. I used it with Essie's color After School Boy Blazer and it was the perfect fall manicure. The shine is unbelievable, and it feels incredibly strong--like, rock solid-- which means it lasts forever with no chips. Highly recommend.

Amber Eyes Palate - I've been loving the copper/orange eyeshadow looks this Fall, especially for blue eyes. However, the palate that I had my eye on (Urban Decay's Naked Heat) is way out of my experimental makeup price range. I really started wearing eyeshadow this past month, so when I stumbled across this new palate for cheap at Target, I had to try it. I love the wide range of shades, included, and a tip for all my fellow blue-eyed gals: these colors look amazing. My favorites would definitely have to be the mauve/pinks, like  Another great eyeshadow for blue eyes that I have been loving is Amber Rush by L'oreal. I've been using this little guy for two years and I can't count how many compliments I've received. It's like my eyes pop out of my head they're so bright!

White Turtleneck Sweater - I bought this sweater because I was looking for something warm and cozy for the colder months. Usually I get ridiculously claustrophobic with any kind of turtleneck. This however...soft, the perfect white, and slightly cropped. It's in my work wardrobe at least once a week, and I'm terrified of wearing it out too fast because it is literally my favorite sweater and I would cry if it got ruined! I've considered getting it in the teal/blue as well. It's that perfect.

Miscellaneous 
Reputation Album - I've been jamming to this album ALL. MONTH. LONG. I was excited but skeptical about the album before it was released...I mean, I love me some Taylor Swift, but 1989 is such a hard act to follow. Then on release day I found out the album was not on Spotify and hauled myself to Target so I could hear it. And...I loved it. Particularly the first five songs. In Kate's world, liking half of the songs on the album is a very high percentage (I tend to only like one or two) so I'd say Taylor won me over here. I honestly don't know if I have a favorite song, but I do know that Don't Blame Me is amazing for carpool karaoke.

Rifle Paper Co Phone Case - I love pretty much everything Rifle Paper Co makes. I bought this planner from them over the summer and I'm in love with it. So when I saw they had phone cases in a matching print, I had to have one. It's beautiful, fits my phone perfectly, and protects it as well (cause let's be honest, I drop my phone all the dang time.)

Teavana Youthberry - I love getting a tea or coffee while I'm out running errands or catching up with friends, but it's hard for me to find drinks that I like, since I'm not a coffee person and I'm picky about most hot teas. A couple weeks ago, I tried the Youthberry tea from Teavana (with a little bit of honey) on a whim and loved it. It's gotten me through many cold rainy fall/winter days, and a week of the flu. I've even considered buying some to keep in the cabinet with all my others teas. I love how fruity it is without being overwhelming. The name is pretty cute too.

There ya have it. What products have you been loving lately?

Friendsgiving Twenty Seventeen

Okay okay, I know this is late, as in Thanksgiving is officially donezo and my Christmas obsession is now socially acceptable. I had plans to post this last Monday, but I had way less work this week because of the holiday, which meant sleeping in and taking a break. Unfortunately that also meant that blog/creative stuff took a backseat as well, but also sorry not sorry cause I was starting to feel a bit of burnout coming on. Instead of throwing out the entire post (that I have been very excited for btw) I thought I'd just post it late. Cause better late then never. So...let's go :)

For a couple years now I've wanted to host a Friendsgiving dinner. I love good food...I love gorgeously decorated tables...I love my friends...and Friendsgiving is basically a perfect mix of all three. I also looove the Holidays, so in short, Friendsgiving is an extremely Kate thing. I figured that this season of my life is the most ideal time; working full time (so I have enough money to actually pull it off)  and no school stress. So last week I hosted Friendsgiving dinner.

In Kate fashion, I wanted to go big or go home. And by big, I mean everything had to be *perfect.*  So perfect, I even attempted to make my own fabric napkins. That lasted about ten minutes before I gave up...ain't nobody got time for that. In all honesty, I'm glad I did because the next day I fell in love with a set I saw at World Market (aka the best store ever, second only to Target.) Bonus: There was a matching table runner. You know you're growing up when you get excited about table linens...yet here we are. 

I started planning by scouring Pintrest in search of some yummy recipes. Traditional Friendsgiving involves Turkey and stuffing, but I knew that would be too much for me to handle, so I went with a baked chicken (because it looks like a mini turkey so we still get the effect, amirite?) and mashed potatoes. For drinks I bought the boys some root beer, and for us girls I got two different kinds of sparkling juice...man am I a sucker for cool drinks. I also made some yummy appetizers and a cake for dessert. Simple, festive, and delicious :) 

Now on to the table. As I said, I found some adorable linens at World Market. I got eucalyptus bunches and some festive red berries at Trader Joe's for pretty cheap, and pillar candles on Amazon. The taper candles and sticks are from my mom's stash, as are all the dishes and utensils. Once again, I grabbed some ideas off Pintrest (let's be honest, that's where most of my ideas come from) and set up this super chic, minimalist tablescape. Much pleased, very happy.

The day of, I did all the cooking, cleaning, and setting up in what I like to call "The Domestic Hurricane." My mom was such a help with getting everything done. Moms the the best. Thanks mom :)

I mean I have to include a couple pic cause he's just so dang cute. 

Here are links to the recipes I used--super delish. The mashed potatoes were a H I T . 

Appetizers: Baked Brie with Peach and Basil // Cranberry Barbecue Meatballs

Dinner: Lemon Rosemary Chicken // Parmesan Mashed Potatoes // Pear & Feta Salad

Dessert: Buttermilk Spice Cake

After dinner we sat down to watch It's A Wonderful Life, which was basically one or two people actually trying to pay attention and the rest of us making dumb comments. I had plans to take a lot more pictures, but I was so busy prepping beforehand and then once everyone arrived I really wanted to BE in the moment, which meant a lack of photos. But I'm okay with that...Basically it was awesome and I can't wait for next year.

Now on to CHRISTMAS.

Couples Halloween Costume 2017

Ever since Michael got me into The Office last year, I've been begging him to do a Jim and Pam couple costume with me. Last year we weren't able to, with me being in Florida. But this year...

Just your neighborhood Jim and Pam! Dreams have come true here. I got the shirt and shoes at Goodwill for about $10, and borrowed the skirt from my mom. Michael already had everything for his costume because let's face it he's a living Jim Halpert. He asked me, "Do I have to bring everything? Like dress shoes and a belt?" To which I replied, "Does Jim Halpert wear dress shoes and a belt?" I'm not sorry for the seriousness with which I take Halloween costumes. It's one day a year; go big or go home, I say.

His costume is definitely better than mine. Believe it or not, I had a hard time finding a shirt that looked perfect for Pam, but I told myslef, "Kate, you are super extra when it comes to Halloween costumes, so a Kate 5 is like a normal person 7. Take a chill pill." I mean I spent $7 dollars on the ugliest pair of heels I've ever laid eyes on and they don't even fit, just for a two minute photo session. I even made my boyfriend get in full costume on an 80 degree day in September and go in public, just to get pictures before I chopped and colored my hair, and therefore would look nothing like Pam Beasley. I paid my dues with this one. 

And this was when the geese of Downtown Brighton began to descend upon our photoshoot and we got the heck outta there. I've seen the youtube videos of angry geese attacking people and I'm quite good, thank you very much. Plus as I said, it was HOT and I promised Michael a root beer for his compliance. 

By the way, I'm already cooking up ideas for next year. 

Lots of exciting things happening, it's gonna be yuuuuge

One thing I enjoy about having a blog is being able to chronicle my life for myself. Sure I could keep a private diary in my bedside table but honestly that's not half as fun, right? In any account, here's my October diary...uh, I mean blog post. 

This week I found out that I have officially been accepted to Madonna University for next semester, Winter 2018. Boy did I forget how stressful college is...trying to get everything in line has me a leeeettle bit cray cray. I'm hoping to keep my office job while in school, and campus is 50 minutes from my house, which is a lot to accommodate, but I'm hoping, praaaying it's possible. The exciting side is that I get to take art classes! I am honestly so pumped about getting back into school. Working almost full time is nice, because a) money and b) when I come home, I'm done for the day. But I really do miss learning and being in the classroom. So far the excitement has been staving off the anxiety...will keep you updated. Lol.

Another big announcement is that I've joined the witness protection program. Kidding. If you follow me on Instagram, or if you saw my Fall makeup look a couple weeks ago, you'd notice my hair is a lot darker...and shorter. The first week or so it freaked me out, but after a few showers the color toned down a bit and I loooove it. I also shortened it and had lots of layers put in; I've been growing my hair out for over a year, so I decided it was time for a change, especially since I became very protective with my hair over that year. I realized that not only did I not really enjoy doing my hair as much as I used to, I also realized that I was finding a lot of my identity in my hair. Sounds kinda crazy, right? Crazy bit true! I will say that I do miss styling my long hair, but if a picture is worth a thousand words, then this picture sums up how I feel about my hair: 

Good hair days are therapy.

Last week I took a little break and flew to Florida to visit Ave. It was just about the weirdest thing ever to walk around as an ex-student, but It was great to see my friends again. I flew in Wednesday night, and I spent all of Thursday catching up and relaxing in what woud've been my room this year...yeah, weird. Friday I had lunch at the pub, then went to a friends house to hang out for a bit.

Saturday we tried to go into town, but that plan was thumped when the car broke down. Later in the day we made plans to go to the pumpkin patch, which was fun, but was more like a farmers market, and did not meet the expectations of this Midwest girl.

The best part was definitely the sunflowers.

Just a girl sticking her head in a sunflower, no big deal. 

Sunday I went to mass, and basically just chilled and packed the rest of the day. Then it was off to the airport to head for home. Monday Michael and I went to the Jon Bellion concert here in Detroit. We both had been waiting for this since back in July, and it was definitely worth waiting an hour in the rain! Also, we walked the WRONG WAY for like eight minutes before realizing. So that was funny.

We had Mezzanine seats, which wasn't ideal for dancing, so we ended up standing in the corner the whole time so I could jump around like a maniac, lol. He performed all but one of my favorites (Morning In America sadly did not make the set list. Boo.) and let me tell you...Guillotine is somehow better in person. I didn't even know that was possible. 

Afterwards we stopped at Taco Bell (at my request, hehe) because after jumping around and shouting for two hours I was hungry. But then I'm always hungry for Taco Bell. 

The rest of the week I've spent working and getting back into normal life...Fun but tiresome. And I only say fun because I find organizing enjoyable (actually I take organizing so seriously that it stresses me out. So once I get past the stress, I enjoy myself. Haha.)

Fall Mixtape 2017

First Try // Johnnyswim
Get You // Daniel Caesar

Looking Too Closely // Fink

The Mess I'm In // Taylor John Williams

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room // John Mayer

Oceans Away // Arizona

Quarter Past Four // Avriel & The Sequoias

The Night We Met // Lord Huron

I Will Spend My Whole Life Loving You // Kina Granis, Imaginary Future

Holes // The Paper Kites
Many Lives // Andrew Belle
Young & Unafraid // The Moth & The Flame
Sleep On The Floor // The Lumineers

Listen to the playlist here!

Fall Date Ideas

Baking Day: Make a yummy Fall treat to enjoy together. Fall is the perfect time for warm baked goods, especially something with pumpkin or cinnamon. You could also go try making apple sauce--more time consuming, but just as fun :)

Cider Mill: This one is a personal favorite because, growing up, the best part about fall (other than Halloween) was the cider mill. Get some fresh cinnamon sugar donuts and some hot cider and enjoy them outside. We also buy a jug or two of cider to take home with us.

Bonfire: I love the idea of a Fall bonfire, even though it's something my family usually does in the Summertime. Roast hot dogs, marshmallows, cuddle with some blankets. Super cheap and easy date, and still tons of fun.

Movie Night: This is another affordable and cozy idea. Get the fireplace going, pop some popcorn, grab some tea or coffee, and pick a Halloween movie (Hocus Pocus is the king, just saying.) You could totally do a scary movie if you want, but this girl is not about that, haha.

Football Game: This was actually one of mine and Michael's first dates ;) We got together with a couple other friends (gotta have those third wheels, amirite) and watched a Friend's team play. We got hot drinks and laughed the whole time. Michael tried explaining the game to me but honestly, it was too cold for my brain to work...so make sure to bundle up and bring blankets!

Apple Orchard: Picking apples is always a fun fall activity. You could even double this date up and bake an apple treat (apple pie maybe?) Some orchards even have fun activities like a petting zoo or a corn maze.

Stargazing: This one can be done late summer to early fall. Lay a blanket out on the grass and look up at the stars. Bring some snacks and you can make it a late night picnic.

Carving Pumpkins: Michael and I did this last year and it was a blast. You can go to the store and grab a pumpkin, or you could go to a pumpkin patch and pick your own.

Finding God's Voice In Seemingly Random Things

Alternate title: A Story About How A Bishop And Moana Influenced My College Decisions.

You're probably thinking "What does a bishop and a Disney (princess? is Moana considered a princess? let me know.) movie have to do with following God's plan?" Well as I was contemplating these seemingly unconnected events this past summer, I realized a number of things. Firstly has to do with my seriously bad habit of FOMO and the other has to do with my weak confidence level.

Firstly, FOMO. Ever since entering a high intensity academic program at age 11 and skipping a grade to do so, I have been obsessed with being on the same page as my peers. I honestly don't remember a time when I wasn't concerned with what the rest of my class was doing. Now, I'm not hinting at peer pressure. Nobody was smoking or inviting a bunch of friends over to party while they're parents were out. But when 99% of my class was packing up and leaving for college the summer after high school, and my parents weren't letting me do the same, my anxiety skyrocketed. All I could think was "I'm falling behind...and I. Can't. Fall. Behind." As if "falling behind" was the zombie apocalypse or cancer or something.

I look back and I can see God's hand in every event that year, working double time to create the life I have now. That fall, while everyone was off at school, I started dating my now boyfriend of almost two years (turns out he's pretty much the only one who has stood beside me 100% during the difficult school decisions I've had to make as of late.) During those two years, I have learned more about myself, Christ, and humans as a whole than I have in the previous 17 years of my life. Then the following Fall, when I did finally go off to college, I was paired up with the most amazing roommate, and was introduced to some of the most amazing people I've ever had the pleasure to meet. I proved to myself that I CAN do a lot of things that previously would've sent me into a tailspin of worry and doubt. I learned and grew so much over that school year, and there's no telling how different my life would be if it hadn't happened exactly as it has up until now.

Once I got adjusted to my new life, I felt good at school. I was growing in friendship and faith, I was doing well in my classes, and I was independent, but with training wheels (which is totally fine by me, haha.) Here I was, living 1400 miles away and conquering my biggest fears, and yet deep down I knew something wasn't right. I felt good, but I didn't feel great. Something was missing. All school year I did the mental tango with these feelings. Then halfway through spring semester, I was hit with housing contracts and class schedules for the Fall, and all I wanted to do was pump the brakes! In March I discussed the idea of not returning to Florida with Mr. Boyfriend. He agreed that I should continue to pray and think about coming home for school.

Back in May, literally a week after coming home for the Summer, my sister made her Confirmation. Before the mass began, the Bishop came in to greet the students and give them a little pep talk. He told the kids that God has a unique mission for each of them, and if they don't step up to the challenge, then there is no one who can or will take their place, and that mission simply "Won't get done." Bishop Earl's words really resonated with me and my current struggles. I'm trying to figure out this college thing, follow my heart, do God's will, maintain a practical frame of mind, all while fighting my human concupiscence and stubborn attitude? Lol. Nice one, God. But I'm gonna need some help here.

Part II. Mom bought Moana on DVD and as of early Summer, I still hadn't seen it yet, so I sat down and gave it a go. As I watched the movie, I couldn't stop thinking about the Christian messages it holds. Moana has a very special, very beautiful gift, and along with this gift, a mission to serve her people that only she can complete. Along the way she encounters countless people, some of which she loves dearly,  telling her she isn't capable, or that she shouldn't do it. At one point, she even feels such discouragement that she angrily yells at and begs the gods to pick someone else for the task. I mean come on...who does that sound like? The answer is all of us, and especially me.

But without a doubt, the best part of the story (and it never ceases to make me cry) is when she's thrown an enormous curveball and realizes that her task is bigger and more daunting then she ever could have imagined. Any ol' person would turn around and run for the HILLS. But instead, we see Moana turn towards the challenge and embrace it, without the slightest bit of fear or trepidation in her body. She knows who she is, what she is capable of, and she goes for it. Reminds me of this super cool lady named Joan, who fought against all odds for her country, and  famously said "I am not afraid, I was born to do this." Holy freakin' cow. Disney's done it again.

As if that wasn't enough, I had two prospective college students ask me for advice on choosing a school. And the real kicker: One of them is unsure about choosing Ave because they don't have her intended major. If that's not a poke in the back from God, then we can all just go home!

Maybe I'm crazy, and I'm desperately searching for meaning in events that are otherwise completely ordinary. I tend to do that a lot (but then, with the awesome God we have, what does ordinary even mean?) Or maybe God's showing me how He likes to be heard...my experience with the Lord has been that He is not always direct. He is not always crystal clear. Sometimes it seems like He is not even there at all. When you pray for patience, God doesn't just wave his magic want and endow you with patience; He gives you many opportunities to practice it. He 100% makes us work for things, because there is such beauty and merit to be found in work. Nothing worth having comes free. Nothing worth having or doing is easy. And finding a career that is both practical and part of your God-given mission is worth doing!

That being said, I've made my decision to transfer out of Ave Maria. Let me tell you, friends, It was difficult. I am a very emotional, sentimental person. I know the next few weeks will be heartbreaking, as I watch my friends return to school without me. I start to feel that FOMO again....my year at Ave was simply beautiful. It was a struggle, and it was every bit worth it. But in the end, I left feeling like something was missing, and I decided I just can't live like that. I weighed every possible option, tried looking from different perspectives, but at the end of the day, thinking about returning filled me with immense anxiety. Because of how long I took to think things through, I missed a lot of opportunities, and I decided it would be best not to rush anyway. So, this fall I'll be continuing my various Summer jobs, tying up loose ends, and prepping for my transfer in the Spring. Lordy do I wish I was getting back in the classroom in a couple weeks...working just about full time is not exactly fun, haha! But I can't tell you how excited I get when I think about studying in a field that I love. A field that makes me feel as if I have purpose, that will hopefully allow me to share my heart and talents with others. That's all I really want to do in life...share my heart with others in the hopes that through me they may appreciate the beauty of life, creation, and The Lord.

Pray for me, friends. This girl is gonna need a crap ton of em if she's gonna be like Moana.

until next time. xox

A Tale of Two Graduations

This year I get to watch two amazing young men graduate--my big brother graduates from college and my boyfriend graduates from high school! Double the graduation means double the fun ;)

Conner's Graduation
I can clearly remember the day Conner left for Ave. It was early in the morning and I cried like a baby because my best friend (albiet royal pain in my ass) was moving some 1400 miles away to Florida. Life eventually settled into the new normal as I assumed my rightful place and became the oldest (*sarcasm* boy was that fun.) When Conner left, my relationship with him changed. He still thought he was better than me, but slowly I realized that we became friends by choice, not just because we lived in the same house so we haaaad to like each other. Then I followed him down to Ave (mwa ha ha, can't get rid of me can you?!) and I experienced some of the same changes he did when he moved out. I like to think we have a much stronger relationship as adults, because the childhood bickering about who gets the last leftover enchilada only comes out when we're both home (which unfortunately is really rare.) Having Conner around for my freshman year and the opportunity to be around for his senior year was one huge pile of blessings. The night before my parents left after orientation, Conner took care of me. When my long distance relationship with Michael hit a rough patch, he was there to calm me down, remind me of my worth, and take me on a late night walk. He drove me to the airport every single time I flew home (which was a lot.) He also did a lot of super annoying older brother things--like yelling at me. Or demanding that I hang out with him. But I still cheered the loudest when he crossed that stage last month. To be honest I probably screamed a little too loud. But what can I say.

Michael's Graduation
Michael and I met at St' Augustine's. We didn't really get to know each other unti high school, and didn't start dating until after I graduated. I still remember all the Mondays spent shooting hoops after math class, and the Shakespeare rehearsals, and the parties and dances and feast days. That's one of the reasons why I have such a soft spot for this place in my heart. No community is perfect, but the amount of sacrifice and love that is required for the school to work is humbling. And as a former student/graduate I can say with full confidence that the curriculum is Not. Easy. At. All. So graduating is definitely an accomplishment to be celebrated! All that being said, going back for Michael's graduation was a weird homecoming. I felt welcomed back into the community, but at the same time still felt out of place. I don't feel like I've grown and changed all that much until I see how others have all grown up and changed. It was such a beautiful day of both reflection on the past and excitement for the future. Growing up is crazy, especially when you look around and see the people in your life growing up as well.


My boys...I love you two and I am so incredibly proud of you. I pray that you two will both continue to grow in love, make wise choices, live with integrity, and mirror Jesus in all you do.

Prom

last week was Michael's senior prom. Prepare for an excess of cheesy couple photos.

Emma and her amazing hair wizard of a sister Anna spent Monday night at my house so that Anna could make me pretty for Tuesday. She did an *amazing* job.

I made Michael take an artsy photo of me for Instagram. then I posted it on his account. With a Jonas Brothers quote as the caption. And he didn't fight me. He's the best. 

He looks at me the way I look at Mexican food... 💛

I made his boutonnière (and did a dang good job if I do say so myself...)

Lady in red...hehehehe.

The entire time we were taking photos he was making dumb sarcastic comments, which results in photos like this

Yet more cheesy photos, except this time by the water. Which in my opinion makes them even cheesier. 

We got off the boat around 10ish, and I was in bed by 11:30. just the way I like it. Lol.

My First College Semester: A Reflection

I can't believe that my first semester flew by so fast; back in September it felt like it would never end, and now I'm sitting here wondering where the time went. The fact that I finished the semester with relative success is a huge deal for me; I want to take some time to look back and share some of the things I've done and learned. Maybe one day I'll address my anxiety on a broader scale, but right now I want to focus on these past few months.

In August, about a week before I left Michigan, I posted a little blurb about my anxieties (you can read it here.) It was short and sweet, and pretty tame. What you don't know is that in reality, my emotions were not tame, at ALL. Moving to Florida is the biggest and scariest thing I have ever, ever done in my entire life, and I in no way felt ready. I'm a rather independent person; ask anyone who's known me since I was a kid. But all of a sudden, every ounce of independence in me shrank to the size of a pin head. All I wanted was to STAY HOME.

Regardless of all this, I willingly got on a plane and flew down to campus. I met my roommate (who is now one of my best friends) and went through orientation pretty painlessly. Then came my parent's last night in Florida. I said goodbye and went off to my activities with anxiety brewing thicker and deeper. An hour later, I snuck out of orientation to go see my parents again. The second I saw them I was in tears. We sat in the rental car for about an hour while I cried. I pretty much let out an entire summer's worth of anxiety and sludge. I was in hysterics, begging mom to take me home, telling her I couldn't handle this big of a step. Mom spoke a few encouraging words, but mainly she just let me cry.

Obviously I stayed at school, because otherwise I wouldn't be writing this. But the first month was some of the loneliest weeks of my life. I pretty much just existed; went to meals, went to classes, went to bed. Lots of crying myself to sleep, and lots of fears and doubts. Having my brother and countless other friends from home on campus was a huge blessing, but despite all of the support it provided, I still felt really really awful. That's really the only way to describe it; I hadn't been this deep in anxiety since middle school/the beginning of high school. The only real relief I got was from the sock hop dance that I went to with my roommate and a friend down the hall (as I said earlier, these two girls have become my closest sisters. What a blessing they are.) Even when I didn't seem anxious, I was. If any of my school friends are reading this, they're probably thinking "Whaaaat? But you seemed so calm?" Yep, I did seem cool on the outside. But the inside is a totally different story!

And then things started feeling better. I still didn't get out much, but at least I was happier. I did well in my classes, I had fun times with friends, and I learned to get out of my comfort zone a bit. Time has a funny way of fixing things up, even in seemingly unnoticeable ways, and making whatever it is just a little more bearable.

There was one point in the semester when I was hit with a huge thought. I was driving back to campus with friends, when I realized...a year ago, I didn't have my license, I was living at home, and I was missing out on countless opportunities, all because of fear. Yet here I am, living away from home, succeeding in my studies, driving on a crazy busy street-at night!! I started to think about how many years ago, in the thick of my anxiety, I told myself I'd never be able to go away to college. If only I could go back and tell my younger self about all the crazy adventures I was yet to have during my first semester. How amazing it would be if I could give her a hug and dry her tears. She has no clue how strong she is.

When I look at the challenges I'll face this coming semester (college algebra, I'm looking at you) and realize that despite these challenges, I'm *still* excited to go back...I realize how much has changed in me. I can honestly say I didn't do anything to exact this change in myself. It is all completely 100% Him. Christ came to me, through this beautiful struggle, and He helped me carry the weight until I was strong enough to take it on fully. Through this semester, He's shown me that I'm capable of anything, and I've learned what the true meaning of joy is. Of course, sometimes I start thinking about everything I *could* have done this semester, but that's just more lies.

This does *not* mean I've conquered all my fears, that I'm perpetually abiding in comfort and happiness, or anything like that. But it does mean that I have a renewed sense of hope for my future, and I wanted to share the lessons I've learned; I think everyone can apply them in one way or another. I'm looking forward to all the blessings to come. I've grown so incredibly in my faith, and I can't wait to see where it takes me.

Thanks for listening, friend :)

out with 2016, in with 2017

the internet agrees that 2016 was trash, but my 2016 was the opposite. It's been hard, but this year has definitely been my favorite. I've received so many blessings, along with challenges; I feel like I'm a completely different person. It's amazing how much I've grown this year, and it's even more amazing how fast it's gone by! I'm excited to see what 2017 has in the cards; Maybe this year I'll actually keep some of my resolutions, haha :) I've been keeping track of everything I've done and experienced this past year:

2016

january: traded in my single card for a cute guy. booked my first ever vacation without adults. took my driver's test. passed said driver's test. 

february: had my first not-single valentine's day. spent spring break in florida with a friend. turned 18. 

march: had a lovely, spontaneous catch up with an old high school friend. got accepted to colleges. surprised my little sister at school on her birthday (with cake!)

april: went to disney world. got a surprise visit from my older brother.

may: hatched a baby duckling. named him Finn. committed to college. went to prom with my boyfriend.

june: lost Finn. got back into swing dancing. fell in love with Ben Rector's music.

july: spent ten days camping with my mom's side of the family. hatched two more baby ducklings. had a ton of summer fun with my boyfriend. went on a Wisconsin adventure for the weekend. 

august: made the most of what was left of summer. Said a lot of emotional goodbyes. moved to Florida for school.

september: adjusted to living away from home for the first time. struggled (a lot) with said adjustments. 

october: drove 7 hours in a 24 hour time span. saw Ben Rector in concert. visited home for the first time. had lots of fall food/cuddles on my visit home. 

november: binge watched multiple seasons of The Office. voted for the first time. Went home for Thanksgiving break. Came home for Thanksgiving early to surprise mom at her show. 

december: finished my first semester of college. pet a real live corgi (this was honestly the highlight of my year.) conquered a spiritual fear. celebrated Christmas with family. Visited grandma in Pennsylvania. 

fall break

I got to go home for Fall break last weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Honestly it was the weirdest/best trip I could've ever imagined. Being home felt like a dream...for eight weeks my life has been tests and dinner at the student union and late night music parties. It was strange to all of a sudden be thrust back into familiar territory. Plus I missed my memory foam mattress back at Ave *lol*

I flew home late Wednesday night and spent three days in a chilly Michigan paradise. I had lots of cuddles on the couch, car dancing/singing, and yummy food (Velveeta mac and cheese, homemade enchiladas and my favorite Chinese takeout!) 

 Rainy Thursday was morning mass with Michael at my home parish, breakfast at iHop (I had the most HEAVENLY stack of pancakes) Target shopping (or rather Target wandering around gawking over stuff with Michael laughing at me and then losing my cool over the Halloween decor/Christmas lights,) and Charlie St. Cloud while snuggling in the big comfy chair. He fell asleep so of course like the god girlfriend I am, I took copious photos and videos. Those will remain private, but rest assured they are ADORABLE.

Friday was finishing up Maggie's photo session which turned into an impromptu couples photoshoot...then hot cocoa and more movies. It was great to spend some time outside in the chilly Autumn air. I also carved a super cute pumpkin! Michael was too scared of the squishy insides. He's funny like that. 

Isn't he cute?

He's the best :)

 Saturday was the cider mill (PRAISE.)  The donuts were just as warm and delicious as I remember...you know how much your girl loves donuts. Michael said he could get used to this tradition ;) Then after it got dark we went to Greenfield Village's Hallowe'en Nights. Michael did a great job of protecting me from the nonexistent threats. For realsies, there were five year olds braver than me...what can I say? Haha. 

I left for school at 5am on Sunday morning-now that was rough. I was really sad to leave, but I couldn't have spent my break a better way. It really was perfect. And Thanksgiving is only 4 weeks away! How is that?! 

It was a wonderful break :)

xoxo Kate